Ever found yourself exhausted, stressed out, or frustrated with the people around you? It could be that someone is taking advantage of you, but it could also be that you’re too willing to let others take advantage of your time and energy. I’ve been a victim of both, time and time again. Setting boundaries is a healthy way of making sure that your relationships are balanced and reciprocal so that everyone can stay happy and healthy. In the New Year, one of my goals is to start setting healthier boundaries. Boundaries help us maintain balance in our lives by clarifying who we are as individuals—and what we can and cannot do for other people.
What is a boundary?
I never thought you’d ask. Most times people say “No”, but there are time when one may refrain from saying “No” because of how it may be perceived or how it may come off. It does sound a bit harsh. lol. A boundary is a line that you set around yourself to protect your time, energy and emotions. It is not a limit; it does not mean that you cannot do something. Boundaries are designed to help us avoid burnout or being taken advantage of by others (or even ourselves).
Why setting boundaries is important
- Setting boundaries around others can help you feel more in control of your life and reduce stress.
- You can only take on so much. When you’re overloaded, boundary setting is one way to ensure that you don’t spread yourself too thin.
- Setting boundaries can help you prioritize what matters most to you.
- Setting boundaries helps prevent burnout at work and in other areas of life, allowing for a healthier balance overall if used appropriately.
Boundaries are important because they help us maintain our happiness without feeling resentful or taken advantage of by others’ actions. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach for setting boundaries…you have to learn what works for YOU.
Tips for setting boundaries
Set boundaries with your time and energy.
First, you need to set boundaries with your time and energy.
Be prepared to say “no” more often and be okay with that. Next time someone asks for help or something else from you that feels like too much, ask yourself: Do I really want to do this? Do they deserve my energy and attention even if it means putting myself last sometimes? Or would it be better for me if I said “no thanks” instead of trying so hard not to disappoint them—or worse yet, burning out completely because of all the demands on my time and energy. Learn how much space is okay between where their needs end at one end of spectrum and where yours begin at other end before making any decisions about what kind responses would best serve both parties involved during any given situation.
Don’t be afraid to say no.
This is a big one, because it’s often easier to say yes than it is to say no. If someone asks you for help and you’re not sure if you have time or energy, consider saying “Let me think about it.” Or better yet, try this: “I’m sorry but I don’t have time right now.”
Here are some other ways to say no:
“No thanks, I’m good.” (And then walk away!)
“That won’t work for me at all.”
“I love your offer but unfortunately can’t do it right now.” (Be sure to explain why)
If the person pressuring you into something is someone who cares about you—a friend or family member—then remember that they probably have good intentions but may not know how much pressure their request might put on you. Try sharing with them what happened when they asked before—maybe even write out these scripts beforehand!
Listen to yourself.
When you’re used to being around people who are selfish, it can be difficult to learn how to set boundaries. If this is the case for you, start by listening to yourself. Listen to your body and pay attention when you feel nervous or anxious before interacting with someone else; those feelings are there because your instincts are telling you something—and they’re probably right!
Listen to your feelings, too: if something makes me angry but I don’t say anything about it because I’m afraid of upsetting someone else (or because I’m worried about what they might say), then that’s a boundary that needs some attention. It’s also important for us not only hear our own thoughts but also listen carefully when others speak them aloud; if we ignore what other people tell us, then it gets harder for us in time become comfortable saying no ourselves.
Know when to get support.
Setting boundaries is a process that can take time, and you don’t have to do it alone. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for help from family, friends and even professionals when you need it. If you feel overwhelmed with all the changes in your life and don’t know where to start, consider asking them if they have any advice for setting boundaries or even ways that they could help with your goals.
A good rule of thumb is this: If something is going on in your life that makes setting boundaries difficult—like an illness or injury—get help from someone who knows what they’re doing (like a doctor) so that they can make sure everything goes smoothly while still respecting what the patient needs out of the situation. I’ve been in therapy for over a year now and one thing that has been pointed out for me to work on is setting boundaries. I have been doing a lot better but I still have areas to improve in.
Setting boundaries can help you stay healthy and happy.
Boundaries are important for your mental health, physical health and spiritual health. They can help you avoid burnout, feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Boundaries also allow you to feel more confident about yourself!
If you’ve ever had the experience of being someone’s doormat (or know someone who’s a total doormat), this will be a big change for you.
Boundary setting is a practice that can help you live a more intentional, happy life. It can be difficult at first, but once you get it down and make it part of your daily routine, you’ll quickly see the benefits. By asking yourself what’s most important to you, and then making choices based on those priorities, you’ll find yourself happier and more fulfilled in all areas of your life – not just work.
Are you currently struggling with boundary setting? How are you working towards getting better at setting boundaries? If you found this post helpful please let me know in the comments. If you know someone struggling with setting boundaries be sure to send this their way.
